Gay men culture

Photo credit: Shed Mojahid

Article by Hugo Mega (edited by Alyssa Lepage)

I used to think that “coming out” was going to be the hardest part of existence gay. That, being free to be me, I could finally stop pretending. I would be able to drop the heteronormative disguise that I used to wear, to ensure that I belonged and that I felt safe. Little did I perceive that in the years that followed, more often than not, I would find myself butch-ing up, trying to be more masculine than what I naturally was. How did I discover myself here again?

Like walking on thin ice, any false step I made, could easily pitch me back into a loop of old patterns that condition my ways of being and behaving without me even spotting it.

Tired of this self-limiting pattern, I decided to confront my beliefs around masculinity. Since then I’ve been engaged in deconstructing my conditioning and notions of what it means to be a man. In the process of deconstructing my beliefs it was difficult to avoid one’s own toxic masculinity. I used to believe that being lgbtq+ absolved me from being toxic like many straight man ca

STEREOTYPES

Tropes | Generalizations | Clichés | Assumptions

Respectful Language

Attitude|Self Reflection

Misinformation and Misconceptions

Gender Expression

Homophobia and Heterosexism

Cisnormative

Beyond Gay Generalizations

Everyone has perceptions or preconceived ideas about what it means to be LGBTQ. Many people reflect they can tell if someone is gay or lesbian by the way they look, dress, or behave.

By resting on clichés, or resorting to stereotypes or conventional formulaic generalizations, many misconceptions and mistaken identities can easily occur. Stereotypical perceptions may be acquired through interactions with parents, teachers, peers and mass media, or, more generally, through a lack of firsthand familiarity, resulting in an increased reliance on generalizations.

Gay Men and Femininity: The Horror

Why are there so many hair stylists who are gay? Why are our homes so often featured in interior blueprint magazines?

Why are we often the tastemakers of the fashion industry?

Why is there an entire décor resale website named “Previously Owned By A Gay Man”?

Is there a extraordinary gay “taste” gene yet to be discovered?

Alan Downs, in his popular publication The Velvet Rage, argues that the reason that queer men are overrepresented as leaders in these industries is that we’ve had to become masters of hiding. As kids our correct selves did not get validated, and so we learned to create the appearance of beauty as way to hide our “unbeautiful” selves from the world. “We’re experts in making things and people gaze good,” writes Downs.

It’s an interesting theory, and one that would be rigid to prove or disprove. I own no idea if it’s true. However, I do believe The Velvet Rage is the most important book we have on queer men’s development.

What I love about the book are the first several chapters where he validates, with hard-hitting language, the challenges of

Source: Drew Hays/Unsplash

The gay customs is unforgiving of aging. It highly prizes sexual potency, perfect bodies, and youth. This is for a good reason; any signs of vulnerability and imperfection feel dangerous in a heteronormative world where there is a tall likelihood to be rejected and criticised.

Many queer men will have endured homophobic bullying at university whilst teachers turned a blind eye; having parents not understanding or accepting their sexual orientation; or a difficult and painful coming out process. In the here and now, there is still much homophobia in our society: being looked at in an intimidating or shaming way when holding their same-sex partner’s hand in the streets; hearing homophobic people making complaints when gay characters appear on television; being asked inappropriate sexual questions at a party that would never be asked to a heterosexual person; having to carefully select a holiday destination that is gay-friendly. All of these things, and more, are experiences heterosexual people never include to endure, it is not even in the periphery of thei