Older and younger gay
Most of the aging process doesn’t scare me. The notion of having gray hair is invigorating, so long as I still possess hair when that time comes. I think my grin lines make me look dashing in some lights. (In others, like Annabelle.) I have no reason to tap my toes, so no biggie there. If I finish up aging anything like my mother, I’ll have secure to zero complaints.
What does scares me though, is the idea of existence an old twink. Here's a strike course for my beloved straight readers: In the same-sex attracted community, there are different sub-categories of gays. I’m not exactly sure how they came to be, but surely it has something to do with the innate want to group things together by category. (Think #organizationporn.) Whatever the reason, a multitude of factors play into how you’re sorted, but by large, they come down to your age and body type.
A twink is a new, skinny, typically hairless young gay dude like Justin Beiber.
A bear is an older, heavier arrange gay man with ample body and facial hair fancy Ron Offerman.
An otter is like a bear but leaner like Zachary Quinto.
Those are just three
Gay Relationship Advice: Age Gaps in Gay Relationships
Many of my LGBTQ counseling clients ask me why they are only attracted to gay men younger than themselves. If you are happy dating gay men in their twenties, then this question is not important. It&#;s like asking &#;Why do I like blondes over brunettes?&#; My advice is to grant yourself enjoy dating whomever interests you (as extended as they are over the age of 18).
Age gap relationships are more common than you may realize. In western countries:
- 1 out of every twelve male/female couples has an age gap of 10 years or more
- that number increase to 25% in male/male couples
- and 15% of female/female relationships
That same research indicated that age gap partners are more satisfied and more committed to each other than partners of similar age–though there is some research that points to a correlation with higher rates of divorce. Research also shows that couples with an age gap of less than ten years are happier than those with an age gap greater than ten years. You can find more details on these stats on this episode of the pod
I&#;m 43 &#; but I&#;m made to sense like a dinosaur by younger gay men
‘In lgbtq+ years, you’re rather past your sell-by date, aren’t you?’ the person in front of me said, raising an eyebrow.
The ‘witticism’ was far from first – it’s actually a bit of a running joke in the Diverse community. And if a friend had said it, I probably would contain laughed briefly and moved on, not thinking anything of it.
But as it came from a relative stranger, the controversial quip felt more derisory than jovial.
Maybe it hit house that bit harder because it came just a few weeks after another younger person condescendingly commented on my age — something I rarely voluntarily disclose for precisely this reason, but in this instance, they had asked and I told them.
The person said, with a sardonic tone, it must be nice to be older and wiser.
I replied by saying, yes I see it as a blessing to be older and wiser because many gay men who came before me had their lives cut short in their prime because of AIDS.
But quite frankly, I was affronted. Because, at 43, I’m discovering
Thomas Gass, a dentist in California, has survived the curse—twice. The curse? Gass is a lgbtq+ man whose only sexual attraction is to men significantly older than he is.
Gass lost his first partner, 28 years his senior, through the slowly declining effects of Lou Gehrig’s disease after they had been together for 13 years. After recovering from his grief, he establish love again with a bloke 18 years older but endured another tragic loss when his second partner died of pancreatic cancer after they had spent 17 years together. Still a relatively young man, Gass might wonder whether or not to take a chance on loving an older man again. For him, however, the choice is between an older man or no man at all. Gass and his friends—all of whom had lost older life partners—have labeled their abiding sexual attraction “the curse of being attracted to older men.”
I began to study same-sex relationships with age disparities while conducting research for my book, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight. Gass and I started to correspond after he and his friends had read and discussed my essay